I HATE JAMIE OLIVER

2005-08-13T14:23:41+02:00

What a slimeball!! He only became a "chef" because a BBC producer saw him peeling potatos in the River Cafe kitchen and thought he looked cute (hence 'The Naked Chef') so gave him his own show -- before she realised how terrible his voice is!

I hate his irritating mockney accent spitting all over the camera and his victims, and his utterly fake bonhomie. You can tell he bullies his pitiable wife just as he bullies those poor kids on 'Jamie's School Dinners'.

I was forced to eat tomatoes at school and have been disgusted by them ever since -- imagine what psychological traumas those miserable, crying children will suffer in years to come after being force-fed "swede mash"!

Not to mention that he rammed "organic chicken" down their throats when the Food Standards Agency warns against giving organic poultry to children under 16 because of the risk of contamination from serious pathogenic bacteria!

I wonder how many have come down with gastroenteritis since Jamie had his hands all over them?

My new text for the First Epistle of Hate is:

He that cooks while he uncover his
nakedness shall be despised by all
nations and cursed even unto the
tenth generation.
He that doth not hate the unclothed
chef cannot be my disciple and shall
dwell in the valley of death forever.
Yay, thus it shall be.

Praise the Lord for the Hate of Oliver!!!

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ACTION AGAINST STATE CENSORSHIP

2005-07-24T13:24:16+02:00

Just to be clear - "The Church of Hate" is an ironic title for an anti-repression organisation.

We don't hate anyone or anything -- except censorship and governments that want to ban free speech.

Using "terrorism" as justification, the British government is planning to ban:

* "Incitement to religious hatred" - a vague and sinister law that will criminalise criticism of religion. Targets will include comedians, novelists and secular commentators.

(The government has also refused to repeal ancient and outdated blasphemy laws that jail or fine anyone who mocks Christianity.)

* "Indirect incitement of terrorism" - another vague law that will criminalise many "behaviours" - such as questioning whether US and UK government policies encourage terrorism; or calling suicide bombers "martyrs."

* "Accessing terrorist training" - such as logging onto "terrorist" websites or possessing materials with "terrorist" potential - like old science textbooks that contain recipes for primitive explosives.

The Church of Hate exists to defy such repressive laws.

In an absurd concession to established religions, the British government has promised not to prosecute clerics who quote passages from scriptures that promote hate.

For example:

To quote, directly, from the New Testament:

1. "Honour all men as brothers." 1 Peter 2:17

2. "If any man come to me and hate not his father and mother and wife and children and brethren and sisters, yea and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:26

3. "And I say to you my friends, be not afraid of them that kill the body and after that have no more that they can do." Luke 12:4

4. "I am come to send fire on the earth ... suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you nay; but rather division." Luke 12:49-52.

Thus, logically:

All men are brothers

You must hate all men

Don't be afraid to die

Jesus wants fire and division on Earth

Clearly, suicide bombing is the correct Christian response!

If these laws are enacted, The Church of Hate will issue - clearly ridiculous - statements intended to test these ludicrous laws.

For example:

"We encourage people to hate the Pope because he is Catholic."

"Suicide bombers are martyrs to the stupidity of religion."

Or, members will alert Police to the purchase of "terrorist materials" at Tesco that can be used to make chemical weapons and explosives - e.g. ammonia, bleach, nail polish remover (acetone), hydrogen peroxide, charcoal briquettes, matches.

Actions/statements will only be undertaken/issued in the names of those who, specifically, volunteer.

We hope that commonsense will prevail and that such actions will not be necessary, but to show your support, please leave an email address in the Comments section below.

Your email will not be sold, distributed, spammed or anything else.

You will only be contacted if the above laws are enacted.

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